Monday Morning Musings | {my life}

So as I sit her this morning, or rather afternoon, I feel at a loss. I know we all come to this moments once in awhile. I feel like I need to get my bearings.

So I sat down at the computer and started creating. Creating mailing labels. Looking over my forms. Contemplating pricing. Looking at the schedule. But still, I feel at a lost.

The surgeon’s office called this morning, saying that I am not able to drive for six to eight weeks after surgery. WHAT!? Maybe this is what put me in my funk. I know it will pass and pass quickly. There is too much to do and too many things to occupy my life.

But that isn’t really what is weighing on my mind and heart. I began finally going through all the paperwork stuck in a bag from the hospital from the actual surgery Friday. In it I found a folded up piece of paper with a blue butterfly on it. I slowly unfolded it. As I sat there on the edge of my bed, I read the words and a wave of sadness washed over me. Since I haven’t really shaken it.

The paper read:

“Dear Patient:

During your recent surgery your received an MTF tissue graft. The graft was made from donated tissue (bone, tendon, ligament, skin or heart valve. The tissue was donated at the time of the death of a family member. Many donor families choose donation so that their family member matter in death as they mattered in life. Today you are a recipient of this gift.”

It is a lot to take in. And for what ever reason, it wasn’t a second thought going in. Maybe because we didn’t really talk or think about those things in pre-op. I just saw getting the ACL reconstructed to get on with my life. I had been in limbo waiting two months for the surgery. I wanted to get back to working out. To play ball. To chase the kids. Start a garden. To living my life. And thanks to someone who died, I can.

I myself have been a donor since I first got my license. I never really worried that it would be needed, but just in case. Maybe because I am older now – a little wiser now – it means a lot more to me. So tonight, when the kids go to sleep. I will thank the donor’s family. I will thank them for the life lost. Because now I am getting my life back.

The sun is shining today. The light after a moody weekend. It warms the body, soul and mind. So as it peeks in and out of clouds, I will type. I will create, I will be appreciative. I will work on a letter. I will kiss my children. I will move forward.

May all you hug and love the people you love and remember those we have lost with the same love.

-Jen